Welcome back y’all. Whether you’ve been here since the beginning or you’re just joining, I’m grateful you’re here.

Last week I shared about the DUI that changed my life.

This week I’m sharing the journey that followed.

The work that transformed almost every aspect of my life, career, and character - ultimately leading to last week’s milestone of eight years without alcohol.

Now let me be clear. When I say “eight years without alcohol,” that’s exactly what I mean.

During the first six years of this journey, I did not consume a drink, drug, or mind-altering substance.

Over the last two years, I’ve periodically consumed marijuana and intentionally experimented with psychedelics, including an ayahuasca ceremony in Thailand I always wanted to experience.

That’s why I don’t describe myself as “eight years sober” and wanted to be clear about that.

Now, let’s get into it ⬇️

Then my therapist told me:

“Colin - you were supposed to have been going to outpatient treatment and Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) for the last seven months. You need to figure this out now.”

That very week, I began outpatient treatment and attended my first ever meeting at Alcoholics Anonymous.

“And Colin, if you get in trouble again, you go back to jail,” my attorney reminded me.

That statement, combined with a stern “pull your head out of your ass” from a family friend I highly respected, set me on the straight and narrow path.

I’ve always been driven with a high ambition, but this took it to an entirely new level.

I was clear-headed.
Clear-minded.
Ready to change my life.

So what was the first thing I did?

Got my ass in gear.

I was back in the gym at 5am.
I started running again.
I began writing out my life goals, dreams, and aspirations.

And I became a Karma Yogi.

I didn’t know much about yoga at the time, but my mom was always going and inspired me to give it a shot.

Every time I went, I loved it.

And as much as I wanted to join the studio, I couldn’t afford it.

I had no money.

So I made a deal with the studio owner to clean the studio and do social media management in exchange for yoga.

So every Saturday morning, I’d show up at 5am to clean the studio, mop floors, scrub toilets - whatever it took to move, sweat, and be part of an uplifting community.

(And if you’ve followed my journey, you’ll know that ten years later, it’s evolved to practicing daily and also teaching).

I was also committed to my career and motivated to be the very best I could be.

I had just started a new job in Business Development, hammering cold calls and generating business for a local insurance firm.

I was all in - devouring books, podcasts, and anything that could take me to the next level in sales and business.

And I loved who I was becoming because for so long I held myself back from the person I always wanted to be.

"In order for things to change, you need to change.” - a quote I read from the legend, Jim Rohn, that continued to shape my new mentality.

In addition to the personal change I was creating, here was my new weekly court-mandated protocol:

These were not cheap, by the way.

I was paying out of pocket, $250/session - at a time when I had no money and had to move back into my parent’s house.

At age 24.

Talk about a humbling experience.

The other part of the new weekly protocol?

Alcoholics Anonymous.
Twice a week.
For the next two years.

Damn.

Never thought I’d be that guy.

I’ll always remember the first day walking into Serenity Hall.

Nervous as hell. Feeling totally out of place. And wanting that meeting to end before I had even walked in the door.

To my surprise - I walked in and noticed two familiar faces.

Former baseball teammate.
Parent of a player I coached.

No way.

We embraced, shared our stories, grabbed a cup of the world’s worst coffee, and I took my place in a cold, hard seat.

Little did I know this seat, this room, would become a home for me the next four years.

But it didn’t come easy, and I wanted nothing to do with AA.

I just wanted to get in, get my slip signed, and get out.

Please don’t talk to me.
I’m not an alcoholic.
And no, I don’t have a sponsor.

For the love of God, please stop asking me.

Then - something changed.

Thanks to a friend’s recommendation, I started attending the 7am meetings and realized there are some incredible humans in these rooms.

10 years sobriety.
20 years.
30 years.

Successful jobs.
Beautiful families.
Vulnerability I had never experienced.

People sharing their struggles, feelings, and emotions.

People sharing some of the hardest, most gut-wrenching stories I’d ever heard.

Death of a child.
Death of a spouse.
Abuse.
Suicide.

And stories about how this program has changed their life, and their families’ lives, forever - bringing them hope and new beginnings.

One day at a time.

I was taught early on to “look for the similarities, not the differences.”

So I tried, reluctantly, to embrace this mindset.

Is my heart softening?

What is happening…

Two months later, I was still showing up, getting my slip signed, and getting out as quickly as I could.

I had still never shared, even though I began feeling the call internally to do so.

Then - one story changed everything.

A lady whom I highly respected shared that out of all the personal development programs she had done over her life and career, the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous was the most life-changing work she’d ever done.

Hook, line, and sinker.

I was sold.

Fuck it, I thought.

If I have to do this for two years, I might as well commit. I got nothing to lose.

And so that day, I decided I was all in.

Nothing to lose.
Everything to gain.

I got a sponsor, attended 90 meetings in 90 days, and began working the steps.

My days were long - 5am workouts, 7am meetings, 8-5 work day, coaching baseball in the evenings.

They were also incredibly rewarding.

I love going to bed tired.
Exhausted from the transformative work that was being done.
Excited for the next day.

I even started sharing in meetings, chairing meetings, leaning into the resistance, and staying after to chat with people after the meeting.

Building community in a place I never thought I’d be.

And I loved it.

There’s something powerful about leaning into the things we resist - a sense of freedom and liberation I had never experienced.

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” - Joseph Campbell

And then - Steps 4 and 5 arrived.

Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

While this seems great in theory, there were things from my past I had never shared with anyone.

Ever.

In my entire life.

And it definitely was not about to start now.

These were things I’d always said I’d take to the grave.

Until my grandsponsor looked me in the eye and said, “These are the things that can take you to the grave.”

I broke down, crying in his arms.

One of the few times in my life I can ever recall crying in another man’s arms.

In order for things to change, you need to change.

These were deeply personal issues I had never talked about with anyone.

I remember driving to my therapist’s office one time, doing a smaller version of Step 4 where I had to write down all these experiences -

But when I was about to walk in, I couldn’t do it.

I crumpled up the piece of paper and re-wrote everything - specifically leaving off a couple things there was no chance I wanted to share.

It’s good enough, I thought.

That was my way of cheating the system.

Little did I know I was simply cheating myself.

You see - it’s these things we hold onto that keep us from the light we seek.

The light that’s waiting for us - we just need to have the courage to face the truth.

To be open.
Be vulnerable.
And trust in the goodness of others and the world.

So when it was finally time to do the work - Step 4 and Step 5 - I decided to commit.

Everything.
No holding back.

For Step 4, I was encouraged to go through my entire life with a fine-tooth comb - picking out everything I can possibly think of.

Every fear.
Every resentment.
Every shame.
Every guilt.

To be radically honest with myself.

And I did it.

It took about six months to complete due to the gravity of this task, and then it was finally time to move to Step 5.

To share everything with another human being.

My sponsor.

I was anxious the entire week, not knowing how he was going to respond.

Isn’t it so interesting the stories we make up in our heads, that aren’t even true?

I have often found myself fearing something that doesn’t even exist - like the reaction I was simply assuming he would have.

Without having even done the task.

It was a Saturday morning. My sponsor and I had just attended the 7am meeting and came over to my apartment - a safe space for vulnerability and open sharing.

(I had finally earned and saved enough money to move out of my parent’s house and into my own apartment - it was expensive, but I saw it as an investment in myself and my own personal development).

I had two stacks of paper representing my Step 4 work. Roughly ten pages front and back in 8-point font.

I kept one and handed him the other.

I was nervous. Shaking. Couldn’t believe I was doing this.

But I was ready.

Sometimes in life - you just gotta go for it.
Fuck it.

So off we went.

I read every single thing on that paper.

Crying.
Convulsing.
Sweating.
Trembling.

Until an hour and a half later, I was done.

Only to hear my sponsor say, “That’s it? Me too.”

I couldn’t believe my ears.

It was like the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders.

My heart opened.
I could breathe.

I felt light, clear, cleansed, and free.

All these things I carried with me throughout my life, all the heaviness and weight of a burden - was suddenly gone.

Shared with another man who fully embraced everything I shared, and gave me a hug to let me know it’s all okay.

This - was the work.

The work that changed my life forever.

I realized the deeper the fear I faced, the greater the liberation.

My grandsponsor once told me, “The fear doesn’t ever go away. We just become stronger and more courageous in the face of fear.”

I have found that to be true in just about every area of my life since.

I continued the work and completed all 12 steps of AA, eventually becoming a sponsor myself and helping another man through the same process.

At this time in my life, I had transitioned my career into the tech industry, selling software in the city of Bellevue, Washington and thriving in my new role as a Sales Development Representative.

My days were long, simple, and powerful:

Wake up at 4am.
Run.
Catch the 5:10am Sounder.
Spend five hours a day commuting while reading books and listening to podcasts.
Make 80-100 cold calls.
Attend an AA meeting after work.
Commute back home.
And do it again.

This was arguably the most transformative period of my life.

All because I decided to commit.

As I mentioned last week, this DUI happened for me, not to me.

Let me be clear - this is not me saying you need to go to do this work or join AA.

Not in the slightest.

But what I am advocating for is simple:

To embrace fear.
To be vulnerable.
To commit.

To do the work we resist because oftentimes there is a world of freedom and liberation that we never knew was out there

Over the next eight years, my life became expansive.

My priorities were straight and I was focused on building a life I loved.

I built meaningful relationships.
Advanced my career.
Invested in real estate.
Ran marathons.
Climbed mountains.
Built a podcast and newsletter.
Traveled the world.
Became a yoga and meditation teacher.

And perhaps most importantly… I became someone I was genuinely proud of.

All thanks to a commitment to do the work that my life was calling me to do.

And I believe you can create the life that you want by leaning into the work that calls you.

Looking back, I’m now realizing the DUI didn’t change my life.

It simply gave me the opportunity to build one.

Because if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that we have the power to change our lives.

One action.
One commitment.
One day, at a time.

Stay tuned for next week’s final newsletter of this 3-part series, 8 Lessons From 8 Years Without Alcohol.

See you next week 🚀

Tip: Make your own searching and fearless moral inventory of your life. But let’s start small and make it manageable.

Action: Write down 5-10 fears you are currently facing in your life.

Why it matters:

Extra credit - take action on one of those fears.

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